No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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