I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
