Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
