I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm jealous of your bromance
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
one might say we're banned from that church
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
