how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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