Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
