So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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