I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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