Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
