I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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