If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
