Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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