listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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