I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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