Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
