Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
