no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
