There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
