Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
