i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
