Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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