so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
