Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
