Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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