Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just had sex bonerless
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
