Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i jhust puked up my retainher.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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