Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
