my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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