Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
