Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
