We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
