She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
