WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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