well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
