look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
