I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
