The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
