when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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