I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
