can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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