Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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