I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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