The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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