can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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