I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
