Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
