My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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