Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
