wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
