Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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