Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
