My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
