I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
