Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
